Guilt? Gelt? What’s the Difference?
This is not news: Chanukah is a minor Jewish holiday. You knew that, right? The only reason Chanukah has increased in importance is that it happens to fall around the same time of year as the gift-giving extravaganza that Christmas has become. Back in the old days (long before this old broad was born) the gifts children received for Chanukah amounted to a few coins, or gelt. It can’t be pure coincidence that the word “gelt” bears a close resemblance to “guilt,” arguably the primary Jewish emotion. Guilt is about as Jewish as matzoh kugel and about as enjoyable as a game of dreidel with raisins for loot. So what better way to celebrate Chanukah (Hanukkah, Hanukah) than to find something to feel guilty about? And I never can stop at one, so in honor of the season, I’ve found a multitude of reasons to kick myself:
- Last night we had friends over for the second night of Chanukah. We had dinner, lit the menorah, ate latkes. The kids played. The parents talked. We had a wonderful evening, but the latkes, I must tell you, were not as crispy as they might have been. They were a little mushy in the center and a little overdone at the outer rim. Not only that (and I’m embarrassed to admit this), I forgot the applesauce and sour cream. So we ate them plain. No one complained, mind you, but what kind of a Jewish mama would I be if I didn’t feel terrible about it? I’d feel even more terrible for not feeling terrible.
- That three-pound bag of chocolate coins I bought at Costco? Oy vey. What a mistake.
- We will be traveling to California to spend Xmas with my husband’s family. Need I say more?
- Okay, more: We are flying on December 21, the day the Mayans predicted that the Earth would be destroyed (if, that is, it wasn’t destroyed on the other half-dozen dates previously specified). I am having some regrets about not going to temple on Yom Kippur.
- While in California, it’s likely we won’t have time to see everyone we promised to see. Already I feel terrible about this.
- That plan I had to buy fewer gifts for my son this year? It did not quite work out as originally conceived.
- This is the worst. The absolute worst. Ready? Saturday, the first night of Chanukah, I left the house ridiculously late to run my errands. The time kind of got away from me and I found myself at Whole Foods at 7 pm, cursing myself, my crappy time management, and my lack of consideration for my child. I raced home like a maniac and arrived at the ripe hour of 8 pm. We lit the menorah, gave the little guy his gifts, and all was right with the world. But that doesn’t make it okay.
- Last, but not least: If I give my child a Christmas DVD (The Polar Express) as a Chanukah gift (which is part of the plan), will G-d smite me?
Happy Chanukah to all, and to all some good guilt!
Once upon a time, I was invited to Seder by my roommate. I had no idea what to make. She said, “Your aloo is amazing, why don’t you make latke?” Um. What? So I shredded a bunch of potatoes, added minced garlic, green chilies, ground cumin and fried it up. Apparently, I make a mean latke. (Still not sure whether it was kosher.) Mona in the Promised Land, indeed.
That’s awesome, Shilpa. You’re a wonderful cook, so no surprise that you would make yummy latkes. And these days, people make all sorts of variations, which is a good thing. (As for Kosher, they were “parve,” meaning vegetarian and non-dairy — not strictly Kosher, but still pretty safe for many observant Jews.)
You rock.
Happy Chanukah to you too and I loved your guilt trips!
I reflected to day on a guilt trip I took.
I’ve had my phone # for 3 years and still get debt calls to the person who use to own the number. This call must have been the straw that broke the camel’s back and by the time I got done ranting the man was in tears. I vaguely remember in one part of the rant suggesting to him that selling funeral plots was a nobler profession than being a debt collector in a country that couldn’t even pay its bills let alone it’s citizens. I’m pretty sure he won’t call again but I did feel badly about making him cry.
Wow, Grace. I have had similar things happen to me — the previous owner of our house is apparently in financial trouble. We were getting call after call haranguing us and insisting we must know him or know how to get in touch with him. (And it disturbed me that these people had apparently used a reverse lookup system, using our address to get our phone number.) I looked up his business and home numbers online and the next time someone called I gave them to her. First I let her know that, to find this information, I had used this VERY advanced technology called “Google.” I also told her that now that she had his contact information, I expected her to stop harassing us. She was most definitely unhappy when we hung up, but not in tears (as far as I could tell).
I had a similar thing happen to me in Canada. So I can’t blame you. Maybe you did the guy a favor and he’ll find a new job…..
I beg to differ — Chanukah is far from being a minor Jewish holiday. It has been widely celebrated outside of America regardless of Christmas.
It is indeed a minor Jewish holiday. It is publicly celebrated, in and outside of America, most definitely because of Christmas. But within Judaism, it has very minor significance.
You should get together with the Catholics (my husband is one). I thought they had the corner on guilt but maybe not?
I’m married to a former Catholic! How’s that for compounding guilt?